


Into The Dark

by orphan_account



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/F, Hina needs a hug too, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Incest, Mental Disorder, No clue how this will go I’m just hoping it’ll be okay, Panic Attacks, Physical Disability, Schizophrenia, Self-Harm, give Sayo a hug she needs it, temporary memory loss
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-04
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-04 00:44:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17294444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The toll mental pain can have on someone can be devastating.Hina didn’t understand that until it decided to show up in her life.





	1. Prelude Into Darkness 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a big fan of bandori and I’m super excited to do this one!  
> I hope I’m able to capture their personalities correctly while also blending in my added details. I’ve never written characters like them before so we’ll see how this goes.  
> This might be a bit choppy and/or rushed but I really wanted to try writing this. Hope ya like the first part!

Sayo POV

 

I didn’t know how long I had been practicing, all I knew was that my fingers hadn’t stopped bleeding.

 

I winced as another string sliced through my skin, blood bubbling up from the cut.

 

The sight of the wounds made me sick to my stomach, but it didn’t stop me.

 

I continued on, ignoring the searing pain.

 

I had to.

 

I had to become better.

 

Better than anyone.

 

Better than Hina.

 

So I would continue to practice, even if my skin was raw and my strings were drenched in blood.

 

I would pour all of my time into guitar.

 

I would sacrifice whatever I needed to get better.

 

I would surpass Hina once and for all and leave her shadow.

 

And yet, I knew the truth.

 

No matter what I did, no matter how much I suffered for progress, it’d never be enough.

 

I’d never be enough to fulfill this goal, as I would never be strong enough to fit such a role.

 

—————

 

“Sayo, your rhythm is off again.”

 

“I’m sorry. I’ll make sure to get it right next-“

 

“Go home.”

 

“H-Huh?”

 

I looked shocked at Yukina, as she stared at me with a serious look.

 

“You’re off today, I noticed it when you started playing. I’d rather you take time to calm and clear your mind than force out your sound.”

 

She smiled gently at me.

 

“But we have a show booked and we can’t afford to take-“

 

“All the more reason. We can’t have you like this when we perform.”

 

“Minato-San...”

 

“Yukina is right Sayo,” Lisa chimed in. “While the show is important, your health is important as well. After all, we can’t have Roselia without you at peak performance~!”

 

I averted my gaze to the floor, shame filling me.

 

How could I let myself slip this far?

 

However, I knew I was outmatched. Those two wouldn’t let me stay even if I started begging.

 

“Fine,” I replied a bit too coldly. “I’ll leave for today.”

 

I unplugged my guitar from the amp, and walked over to my bag, my lips pursed and a glare in my eyes.

 

Useless...

 

Useless...

 

Useless...

 

—————

 

Hina POV

 

“Ay!”

 

“Ah! Hina-Chan, you’re getting ahead again!”

 

“Really? It sounded so boppin’ though~!”

 

“I-It did sound good, but you need to make sure you don’t go so fast.”

 

Aya looked at me exasperated which caused a big grin on my face. She was so interesting to me. Truly a person full of mystery!

 

“That’s very like Hina-San though,” Maya chuckled lightly.

 

“Should we take it from measure 57 then?” Chisato inquired.

 

“Sounds good to me!” Aya replied.

 

“Then let’s play with vigor! Time to show my Bushido spirit!” Eve cheered with a grin on her face.

 

We all laughed and started up our music. Pastel＊Palettes’ sound, our songs, everything...

 

We let that sounds resound through the studio.

 

—————

 

Sayo POV

 

Useless...

 

The word kept repeating in my brain like a broken record. It soon started driving me mad, and all I wanted to do was bash a rock into my skull until the voice finally stopped.

 

I gritted my teeth and marched down the side walk, not really paying attention to the people around me. I didn’t want to see anyone. I didn’t want to hear anyone. Their joy, their smiles and laughs... all it did was make me feel more bitter.

 

I couldn’t remember the last time I had truly smiled. If there was a time I had, it was long ago when I was still a child. I didn’t know the pain I knew now.

 

I didn’t know the feelings of jealousy I have towards Hina.

 

I didn’t know feelings of desperation I have for getting better than her.

 

I didn’t know the feelings of hate and self loathing I have for myself.

 

I didn’t know the scars that marked my arms, my fingers, my legs, my chest, my heart...

 

“Why... just... why...” I mumbled, choking back a sob.

 

Why do I have to suffer? What did I do to deserve this life? I work harder than anyone else, and yet I get nothing for that work. All my blood, sweat and tears are shed for nothing!

 

My fist tightened.

 

I’ve practiced until my fingers bled. I’ve spent nights crying alone over the fact that I’m horrible, not just as a guitar player, but as a person. I’ve spent days locking myself away in my room after practice and punishing myself because of my poor performance.

 

“I hate myself... I hate myself... I hate myself...”

 

I’ve pushed away all emotions from my life. I don’t smile, or laugh. I don’t spend time with people. I’ve pushed my family away. I’ve pushed Hina away.

 

“I hate myself... I hate myself... I hate myself...”

 

I’ve treated her like dirt and yet she still shows me kindness. I’m harsh with her, and yet she don’t snap back.

 

“I hate myself... I hate myself... I hate myself...”

 

I don’t deserve her kindness. I don’t deserve her light.

 

“I hate myself... I hate myself... I hate myself...”

 

I...

 

I don’t deserve Hina.

 

“I hate myself... I hate myself... I hate myself...”

 

I’m a terrible sister and a terrible friend.

 

She would be-

 

A loud sound snapped me out of my trance.

 

My head shot up.

 

And the last thing I saw was the windshield of a red sports car driving toward me.

 

—————

 

Hina POV

 

“Ah...”

 

“You did it Aya-Chan!” I cheered.

 

A bright smile formed on her face.

 

“I-I did it... I finally did it!”

 

The pinkette giggled and jumped up and down like a little kid. Pure giddiness filled her eyes.

 

“Great work Aya-San!” Eve said, giving her a tight hug.

 

“E-Eve-Chan... you’re... crushing me...”

 

“Ah! I’m sorry!”

 

The silver haired girl let the vocalist go from her vice grip and continued to congratulate her.

 

Maya and Chisato smiled and laughed at the sight of Eve over praising our pinkette.

 

“Now now, that was only one time through. We still have to get it right for the concert,” The blond playfully chided.

 

“Uuuuu... don’t remind me...”

 

The drummer gave her a small reassuring pat on the back. “You work hard all the time Aya-San, I’m sure you’ll be okay for the show!”

 

“Thanks Maya-Chan.”

 

“Guess we should pack up,” I said, unplugging the amp.

 

“Yep.”

 

As we began to disassemble our set up, a buzz echoed in the studio.

 

A phone?

 

“Uh... who’s phone is that?” Aya asked.

 

“I didn’t bring my phone,” Maya replied. “Is it yours Chisato-San?”

 

Chisato shook her head.

 

“Eve?”

 

“My phone is at home.”

 

Then, it’s mine I guess.

 

“Let me check my bag!”

 

I scooted over to the left of my guitar bag and sure enough I could see my phone screen glowing.

 

I picked it up and my eyes widened a bit at the number.

 

“Lisa-chi? Why would she be calling me?”

 

I pressed the accept button and put the phone to my ear.

 

“Hina?!”

 

“Whoa!”

 

I jumped a bit at the loud shout that Lisa made.

 

“Ah.. sorry about that.”

 

“It’s fine. What’s up?”

 

“Hina, I need you to stay calm as I tell what happened, okay?”

 

I could feel my body tense suddenly, my heart rate rising. Beads of sweat started forming on my forehead.

 

“W-What do you mean Lisa-chi...?”

 

“Sayo has-“

 

“Hikawa-San! We just got a call from the hospital!”

 

A staff member burst through the door, panting like a dog.

 

“Your sister... was hit by a car...”

 

And my heart stopped.


	2. Prelude Into Darkness 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second part! Time to go ahead and make the Hikawa sisters suffer cuz that’s literally what is happening.
> 
> I’m a terrible person.
> 
> Let’s just hope I can write this one correctly haha.

Hina POV

 

The members of Roselia were already in the hospital waiting room.

 

I went ahead of my band and ran towards Lisa.

 

“Where is she?!” I cried out, my voice quivering.

 

I hadn’t felt fear in a long time, and because of that, it was making me much more jumpy than any normal person. Every sound made me react like some kind of wild animal.

 

“Hina, I need you to calm down fir-“

 

“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STAY CALM?! ONEE-CHAN WAS HIT BY A CAR AND COULD DIE RIGHT NOW!”

 

My cheeks felt wet.

 

Are these... tears? It’s... been a long time since I’ve cried like this...

 

“I-I know that,” Lisa said, her body trembling. “But... we have to stay calm. If we lose control of ourselves, we’ll only make this harder for us.”

 

“Hina, we know you’re scared, but we need you especially to stay composed,” Yukina said gently, her hand rested on my shaking shoulder.

 

“I... I just... I need her to be okay...” I cried softly.

 

I felt a hand on the back of my head and Yukina gently pulled me into her embrace. I immediately buried my face into her shoulder, sobbing. The tears refused to stop and I didn’t stop them.

 

I was too scared to try and control my emotions in a time like this. My hands clutched onto her shirt tightly, my knees wanting to buckle underneath me.

 

Onee-Chan...

 

She‘ll be okay...

 

She has to be...

 

But those words of reassurance fell short in their journey to my despairing heart.

 

—————

 

Third Person POV

 

A glaring light.

 

The sound of rushing feet.

 

The loud voices of doctors.

 

The frantic voice a nurse.

 

Rolling carts.

 

Medical supplies.

 

An IV drip.

 

The beeping of a heart rate monitor.

 

And the body of teal haired girl with lifeless eyes.

 

“Get everything prepped for surgery! Nurse Watanabe, give her another dosage and then fetch the scans.”

 

“Yes Doctor Tokura!”

 

The man turned to his assistant.

 

“What’s your diagnosis on her head injury?”

 

“I had thought it was mostly frontal damage to the head, I found some deeper cuts on the back and side, most likely from the windshield. I already have people securing the area and stopping the bleeding.”

 

“Anything else Saitou?”

 

“Yes,” He responded. “Looking at the head trauma, it may caused a moderate concussion. I’m not completely sure if this will result in a coma or memory loss, but it is a possibility. And that’s everything we found recently.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Do you think she’ll live Tokura?”

 

He looked down grimly, shutting his eyes tight.

 

“I don’t know Saitou... I don’t know.”

 

—————

 

Hina POV

 

My sniffles echoed in the waiting room.

 

After some time, I had managed to calm down, and Yukina released me from her hug. The other girls of Pastel＊Palettes had joined us and immediately Aya had sat me down in a chair right before me knees started to give out.

 

The members of the two bands didn’t really know how to interact. They weren’t very similar in terms of music and style, and their personalities somewhat clashed. Thankfully, Lisa and Chisato were able to make the situation less awkward.

 

“Hina-Chan, here.”

 

“Huh?”

 

I looked up and saw Aya smiling gently at me, offering me a glass of water.

 

“I got it from the front desk. I figured your throat might be sore from earlier.”

 

“Thanks... Aya-Chan...” I said weakly, accepting the glass.

 

The cool sensation of the liquid poured down my raw throat, relieving me of the mild pain. Its chill reminded me of that day.

 

The day I gave her that umbrella.

 

I wonder... if she still hates me sometimes...

 

Even if she does... I’ll always love her...

 

“Hina-Chan?”

 

Even if she ends up growing to hate me, I will never stop loving her.

 

Because... she’s... my sister... and the most important person in my life...

 

“H-Hina-Chan? Are you okay?”

 

“Ah... sorry. I just spaced out for a sec...”

 

“U-Um... I know this is a lot, but I’m sure she’ll be okay!”

 

The pinkette awkwardly shifted in place, trying to give me a reassuring smile, despite the anxiety showing in her eyes.

 

I let out a soft laugh and smiled.

 

“You really suck at comforting people Aya-Chan.”

 

“H-Hey! At least I tried!”

 

I simply chuckled at she turned red in embarrassment.

 

You sure did...

 

Thank you for being such a great friend.

 

—————

 

Third Person POV

 

“We’re losing stability!”

 

“Someone get Doctor Yami in here!”

 

“We need to stop her bleeding! Get another dosage here stat!”

 

“Her pulse starting to weaken!”

 

“Shit!”

 

“Tokura, we need to stabilize her quickly or she might die right here.”

 

“... increase the IV drip and continue with the surgery. We can use hemostatics from here.”

 

“How much?”

 

“I’ll go with your judgment Saitou. Do what you think will be the safest.”

 

“Alright sir.”

 

His assistant went off and began to complete his tasks.

 

Doctor Tokura looked down at his patient. Her eyes had been closed and her body was frozen still. The girl’s skin which should’ve been glowing with health, was now pale and dull.

 

Her face was sunken in slightly, and her arms... were another story entirely, along with other areas of her body. There were wounds that he knew didn’t come from the accident. However, he wasn’t about to inform the patient’s friends or family yet. This kind of news would be too much for them to handle yet, especially since she wasn’t out of the woods.

 

“Hikawa Sayo...” He murmured.

 

The guitarist of the popular band Roselia.

 

Her future seemed so bright, full of potential and talent. She could become a professional and have a great career.

 

But now... he wasn’t sure she’d be able to get that future.


	3. Prelude Into Darkness 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time for chapter 3!  
> I’m having a lot of fun writing this and I’m glad to know that there are many of you who enjoy this as well!  
> It’s a nice change of pace for me since I don’t have to do super long chapters for this so I’m not overworking my brain or anything.  
> Anyways, hope ya enjoy!
> 
> Also, quick note, I have no experience writing medical scenes so they sound professional. I’ve been doing some research and improvising so I’m hoping that it has been sounding accurate so far. Along with that, I boosted the rating to Mature due to some future events and I hope that I’m able to keep up a one chapter a week upload schedule type of thing. This is for leisure but it’d be nice to stay consistent. I just managed to finish this one a bit quicker than most since there wasn’t much I needed to get done.

Third Person POV

 

It had been hours upon hours and her condition had been... somewhat stable.

 

After the huge panic from her sudden deceleration to what would have been death, Doctor Tokura and Doctor Saitou spent time quickly acting and planning how to at least temporarily stabilize the patient.

 

The amount of medicine in her body would cause a bit of a toll when she woke up, but thankfully it would only be temporary.

 

“So...” Saitou panted, exhausted from running back and forth between branches. “Do we operate or do we do more scans?”

 

Tokura looked down at the papers and images. Everything was just as he had predicted. She had internal bleeding near the chest, close to the bottom of the ribcage due to the impact of the car, and a medium sized puncture wound to the lung from a severely broken rib that was slowly allowing air into the chest cavity. A few glass shards had been pulled out from her stomach region, along with her arms and legs. Her knee cap had been nearly shattered completely, and there was no guarantee it would heal properly. That, along with the spinal injuries, meant she could be left with her legs paralyzed permanently and unable to walk again. Either that, or she would just struggle to use her legs like she used to.

 

There was also some whiplash to her neck, so talking would be slightly difficult temporarily. The concussion could cause temporary memory loss or permanent memory loss but for how long and how severe, they didn’t know.

 

But for her, what would devastate this girl the most once the temporary effects were gone, and if she healed properly in every other area, would be what happened to her left hand.

 

As much as she needed her right hand to play, she needed her left one to press the strings quickly.

 

And with the state she was in...

 

Tokura cussed under his breath.

 

There truly was nothing he could do to fix that injury.

 

If it were to heal properly, or even well enough for her to play again somewhat, it would be a miracle.

 

But looking at the scans...

 

“She won’t be able to play again.”

 

“Huh?” Saitou said, raising an eyebrow.

 

“N-Nothing,” Tokura mumbled back. “Anyways, we can begin to operate, just make sure she remains stable. If her condition worsens again, we stop all operation and go back to getting stability. We aren’t going to take any chances yet.”

 

“Yes sir!”

 

“Oh and Saitou...”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Go to the waiting room to her friends. I think we’ve gotten far enough that we can give them some information. You can tell them what you think is fit, but do not tell them she may die.”

 

“But Tokura, you know she cou-“

 

“She won’t. I will guarantee it.”

 

The man gave him a reassuring smile.

 

Truth be told, he was unsure, but he couldn’t let doubt consume him.

 

“And when I guarantee something, it will happen.”

 

He had to have faith.

 

————

 

Saitou left the ER and headed down the hall towards the front of the hospital.

 

The words he had to tell these girls were something he mildly dreaded. He hated telling a patient’s family and/or friends diagnostics that weren’t exactly... positive.

 

Every time he ever had to report bad news, he always felt a chill up his spin. He received so many emotional reactions from the reports he did: sadness, anger, shock, violence rage, disbelief... the list went on and on.

 

As he entered into the waiting area, he looked down at his clipboard, scanning the documents for the person who checked the patient in.

 

“Imai Lisa-San?” He called out.

 

He glanced up and saw a brown haired girl in a beige sweater run up towards him. Behind her were 8 other girls.

 

“Y-Yes... that’s me,” The brunette, Lisa, replied. “And you are...?”

 

“My name is Doctor Saitou. I’m the assistant for our head doctor, Doctor Tokura. We are currently beginning operations so we thought it would be a good time to inform you of your friend’s status.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“All of you can follow me. She’s still in the ER but we already have a room prepared for when she’s out. I will be escorting you to that sector’s waiting room as I do this report.”

 

Saitou shuffles through his papers and started walking, Lisa right up by his side, followed by a similar looking teal haired girl.

 

“You... look familiar...” He murmured.

 

“Oh! This is Hina, Sayo’s younger twin sister,” The brunette gestured to Hina, who gave him a shaky bow.

 

“I see. Hikawa-San, does your family know about this?”

 

“I-I have informed them... but both of our parents are working out of town, so I don’t know if they got the message yet...” Hina replied nervously. “A-Anyways... how’s Onee-Chan?”

 

A pit formed in his gut.

 

“Here goes nothing...” He whispered quietly to himself.

 

“The diagnosis so far is...”

 

—————

 

Hina POV

 

She... what...?

 

For the millionth time that day, I felt tears fall from my eyes.

 

Lisa grabbed me tightly, her own hands shaking as she hugged me.

 

“Our... promise... this can’t... you can’t...”

 

Doctor Saitou looked solemnly at the ground.

 

“It’s... not guaranteed... but based on what we have now... she might never be able to properly use that hand again.”

 

He looked back up at me, his eyes full of remorse.

 

“You said... she plays in a band correct? She’s a guitarist.”

 

“Y-Yeah...” I sniffled.

 

Saitou gritted his teeth hard in frustration. His knuckles turned white from clenching his hand.

 

“Our team will do everything we can so it can heal properly, but... we can’t make promises. All I can promise is that we’ll put as much effort as we can into making sure she can recover the best she can.”

 

I nodded in response, my words getting lost in my throat.

 

It felt like a person was crushing my lungs. There wasn’t air for me to breathe in. There wasn’t oxygen flowing into my body.

 

Onee-Chan... the promise we made that day... when the rain was pouring down...

 

It can’t be broken... it can’t... break...

 

You’re my strong and amazing sister... you have to keep playing... it’s... it’s what’s made you so happy...

 

I don’t want you to lose your smile... not when we finally managed to get it back... not when we finally found something we can do as sisters...

 

I want you to be happy... and I refuse to let the world take that from you...


	4. Prelude Into Darkness 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 of pain, in which I might finally get back to Sayo’s POV (I’m doing these notes before I’ve actually written the chapter so not even I know if that’s what I’ll do lol)
> 
> The chapters are (usually) short, but I will say I’ve managed to do a lot in the few words I’ve written. I’m not sure how many chapters this will end up being, but I’m hoping it’ll be a decent length story.
> 
> Also, you might’ve noticed, but I decided to add chapter titles. Cuz this story is gonna have a lot of things happening, I wanted to divide it into arcs. There will be multiple parts to each mini arc of the story.

Third POV

 

Another waiting room, and this time, the surrounding sounds were even worse.

 

The tension and distress in the air was so thick, Lisa felt like it was choking her. She was a sensitive person, and could easily sense emotional shifts and moods. This however, was something she had never felt, seen or heard before.

 

The sector they had been placed in was a special waiting room in the hospital specifically for serious ER cases. The reason was so 1.) The doctors wouldn’t have to travel as far if something started going wrong and they needed to inform family and friends and 2.) So the family and friends of patients with more minor cases wouldn’t feel distress from the moods of the more distraught people.

 

However, by doing so, it made the ER waiting room feel like hellfire was burning around you.

 

As Lisa listened to crying mothers, screaming fathers, crying children and the constant sounds of shouting and pacing steps, she thought she might go crazy. Her heart rate had sky rocketed and beads of sweat had formed on her brow. The anxiety that had built up from the moment she found Sayo hadn’t decreased in the slightest. In fact, it had grown exponentially.

 

She had put on a brave face for the doctor and her friends, but she wasn’t sure how much longer she could hide behind her smile.

 

And seeing Hina’s mind completely shatter from all the news she was receiving had only made it harder for the brunette to stay calm.

 

The two bands had decided to wait with their respective members. Since the forms were filled out by Lisa, they would be calling her name. So Roselia proposed that they would stay closer to the reception desk while Pastel＊Palettes took Hina outside for a bit to process everything she heard and think about it.

 

The idols had given Lisa such a look for gratitude for the proposal. They were truly caring friends and wished for Hina to be okay.

 

Roselia did too.

 

However, even so, a more pressing matter had approached them and shoved them down a pit.

 

“Hey Yukina?”

 

“Hm? What is it Lisa?” The vocalist’s tone as cool and collected as usual.

 

“What will we do... you know... if Sayo really can’t play again...?” Lisa asked loud enough for Ako and Rinko to hear as well.

 

That question. For the hours they had been waiting, the members of Roselia had done everything to avoid saying it out loud.

 

“Lisa...”

 

“I-I don’t want to think Sayo won’t be able to play again, but... you heard what the doctor said... as much as we want to not believe it... it’s still a possibility, and the most likely one at that...”

 

Her hands trembled and she clenched them into fists, resting them on her legs. The bassist was glad she was sitting, because if wasn’t, she would’ve fallen in a heap on the ground long ago.

 

“If she is unable to play, we will get a new guita-“

 

“N-No! If Sayo-San isn’t playing guitar for us, then it won’t be Roselia! It has to be her!” Ako interrupted, her face red with rage at Yukina’s suggestion, and yet, her eyes were filled with so much sorrow. Tears streamed down the young girl’s face. “I... I refuse to play with a different guitarist!”

 

“I-I agree with Ako-Chan... Roselia’s sound... the only guitar that can complete it is Hikawa-San’s...” Rinko chimed in, her voice shaky, but still full of determination.

 

“I agree with those two. Yukina, we can’t just get a new guitarist and-“

 

“You didn’t let me finish,” Yukina said, stopping Lisa mid sentence. She sighed and looked at her band. “As I was saying, if Sayo can’t play, we will get a new guitarist, is what the old me would have wanted to do. However, since I’ve changed more through Roselia, my thought process has as well. I... I’m not sure what to do if Sayo is unable to play anymore. The one thing I’m sure of is that I will not try to find a replacement.”

 

“Ah...”

 

The drummer and keyboardist looked at each other and back to Yukina.

 

“But, if we don’t get a guitarist, and Sayo-San can’t play, we won’t be able to play as Roselia.”

 

“I know Ako... the only answer I have currently, is we could play with recordings of Sayo’s playing... but, in that case, we won’t be able to make new songs, and most likely, Roselia will lose its momentum and be unable to play at Future World Fes.”

 

They all fell silent.

 

Their goal, what they had been practicing and working for ever since the formation of Roselia, could be lost within days.

 

But even if they did get to that stage, it wouldn’t be the same without Sayo playing her guitar and being there with them. Roselia wouldn’t have the right to stand on that stage without Sayo there as well.

 

“Then... what should we do Yukina-San?” Ako looked at her worriedly, twiddling her fingers.

 

Lisa knew what answer the vocalist had decided on, and she could tell Yukina wanted nothing more than to throw the idea away.

 

However...

 

It was also an answer she knew that they would all agree on, as much as it hurt to say it.

 

“If Sayo cannot play guitar again, then we will disband Roselia.”

 

Because... a Roselia without Sayo, wasn’t Roselia anymore.

 

And there was no one else that could complete the one they already had in their hearts.

 

—————

 

Outside the hospital, the cold breeze bit at the girls of Pastel＊Palettes.

 

The warmth of day was gone and the evening chill had taken its place. The leaves of trees had begun shifting colors, some of them already on the ground in little piles or alone.

 

Aya stares at them, studying their colors. Each one had a unique palette of colors, none of them the same as the other. It reminded her of snowflakes. They were all made of the same thing, but they all were unique in shape. With fall leaves, a group of them were from the same origin, but none of them looked quite like the other.

 

And that idea, was similar to their band. Each member was a color on a palette. They were similar, but all very different, making up one single entity.

 

However, one of those colors, had become dark.

 

Hina sat on the concrete wall which held a little area for some grass and a growing tree. Her feet were planted firmly on the sidewalk, her eyes staring down at a pebble she had kicked onto her shoe.

 

No one in their band had ever seen Hina completely defeated before, and no one had ever seen her cry like that. The tears she shed, the sounds she made, the desperate look in her eyes... it was something they never imagined coming out of the girl who never stopped smiling, who never stopped moving or having fun. Their guitarist was the embodiment of energy for them. She never seemed to be drained of it, and there was always this sparkle in her eye, searching for something fun to do, something that would interest her.

 

And now, that sparkle was gone.

 

“Hina-San... will she be okay?” Eve sighed, her face stuck in a frown.

 

“I’m not sure... I’ve never seen her this floored before...” Maya mumbled, kicking another rock.

 

Chisato didn’t make any remark. Instead, her gaze stared up at the sky, her eyes distant and fogged up. All she was doing though, was trying to ignore what was actually happening around her.

 

Aya didn’t blame her. After all, this situation didn’t feel like true reality.

 

“I-It’s tough right now... but I’m sure it’ll be okay. We have to keep believing!” The vocalist encouraged them. Although, she was having a hard time believing her own words.

 

The keyboardist and drummer nodded and weakly smiled at her.

 

“Yeah... Sayo-San will be okay in the end, I’m sure. Just as you said, we need to keep believing.” The brunette said, adjusting her glasses. A little hopeful glimmer sparked within her. Despite Anya’s words being shaky and doubtful, she found hope in her leader’s strength to stay positive.

 

“The spirit of bushido will pull through! I’m sure of it!”

 

The silver haired girl pumped her fists, trying to exude as much energy as she could to make herself believe again. Doubt still lingered, but her positive emotions would prevail. They had to.

 

“You really are optimistic people...”

 

The three turned their heads to Chisato, who gave them a pained smile.

 

“I can’t say the same myself...”

 

“Chisato-Chan...” Aya frowned.

 

“How can you have so much hope after what you heard?”

 

Aya paused. She didn’t really have hope. It was more like she was trying to make it up so she didn’t start crying right then and there. As much as a crybaby as she was, and as much as she was okay with letting her emotions out, this was one time she couldn’t do that. She had to stay strong.

 

For Hina’s sake.

 

“I... I will admit, it’s not like I’m not doubtful. Anyone would be. But... I always want to believe in a happy end, even if that thinking could get me hurt more if it doesn’t happen. If you want a happy end, it’s always good to start believing that there can be one. If you don’t, you’ll never be able to let happiness enter your life in the first place, right?”

 

The blonde’s eyes widened for a second, and then a small smile formed on her lips.

 

“You have a strange way with words, Aya-Chan...”

 

“I-I don’t really-“

 

“What you said just now isn’t anything remarkable... in fact, it’s almost illogical, but...”

 

She looked up, a set of tears in her eyes.

 

“I’d like to put my faith in those words.”

 

Aya rushed up and hugged her friend, gently rubbing her back to soothe her. While it was Hina who was being the most affected by this event, the other people around her were still involved too. While Pastel＊Palettes didn’t know Sayo that well, she meant something to Hina, and she was their friend, making Sayo just as important to them as Hina was.

 

When something was hurting one of them, they all felt it. When they were happy, they all felt happy.

 

As different as they were, they were all the same.

 

They felt the emotions of the people they cared about, and the last thing they wanted was to see someone they loved suffer.

 

Not just because they felt that pain as well, but because they always wanted to see them smile.

 

The two let go of each other, and glanced at the teal haired girl. She hadn’t said a word, or looked up once during that. Her head stayed down towards the ground.

 

“Should we-“

 

“No. For now Aya-Chan, it would be best to leave her be. She has to think about this all on her own. We won’t be able to understand what she’s feeling or what is going on in her head and if we try to interfere it’ll only make it worse right now. If she needs us, she’ll say so,” Chisato explained.

 

The band agreed and took a look at the hospital door.

 

Inside that building was a girl that meant the world to their guitarist, and now, that same girl was on an operating table in the ER.

 

If this wasn’t a nightmare, they didn’t know what one was.

 

But in every bit of darkness... there’s always a light...

 

—————

 

Sayo POV

 

I couldn’t breathe.

 

I couldn’t see.

 

I couldn’t move.

 

The only thing that I could perceive, was noise.

 

But not a noise I wished to hear.

 

**You useless guitarist... you think you can make it to Future World Fes with those skills? In your dreams...**

 

**No one loves you, and no one will. You’re a cold hearted bitch who doesn’t deserve love. Not after what you’ve said to others.**

 

**No wonder the others in Roselia got upset with you. You just don’t know when to quit being a thorn in their side.**

 

**You’ll never fulfill your promise to Hina. You’ll never become better. You’ll always stay the weak little coward you are, wearing an emotionless mask to hide your pain.**

 

I wanted to cover my ears.

 

I wanted to scream at the voices and make them stop.

 

I wanted to curl up into a ball and sob. 

 

There was so much noise. So much dizzying noise.

 

Does fate just hate me? Did it just decide it wanted to make me suffer? What did I do to deserve this? What did I do wrong?

 

**Everything. Your existence is a mistake.**

 

SHUT UP! YOU’RE LYING! YOU’RE WRONG!

 

**Then why is Hina blessed with talent, and you’re just rotting in the shadows? If she is your identical twin, shouldn’t you share her talent?**

 

My thoughts stopped. If I was able to move, I knew my hands would be clenched.

 

**Face it: you weren’t meant to be born. You were never supposed to live. You are a mistake of a life, and because you live, you will always be undeserving of everything as your existence is undeserving of the basic factors of the living.**

 

These... are lies...

 

These have to be lies...

 

But I couldn’t convince myself.

 

I had heard the voices too many times to convince myself. I knew it was true.

 

I was a mistake that should have never happened.

 

But I did, and for that, I deserve nothing in this world.

 

Maybe... that can happen...

 

I’ll just fade away now, and never come back.

 

It’s not like I’ll be missed. No one really loves me.

 

And that way... I can finally be free from this pain.

 

Just let me fade away like the sound of my lifeless guitar.

 

And with a sudden wrenching feeling I-


	5. Prelude Into Darkness End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final Part of the prelude guys! Let’s do this!
> 
> The end of each arc is essentially a turning point for the story, so as you can tell, there will be a bunch of turning points.
> 
> Also, I’ll mention this even though it’s pretty obvious from the tag, but just so you don’t forget, this is an incest ship fic. Not quite yet, but there will be romantic development between Hina and Sayo. I’ve done some implications but right now it’s not prominent.  
> Just wanted to say that so I don’t feel like I’m jumping this on you guys later lol.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy!

Third POV

 

“Imai-San?”

 

A voice stirred her from her sleep, and groggily, Lisa opened her eyes.

 

The hospital still had people in it, but compared to earlier, it had cleared out significantly.

 

But it wasn’t surprising since it was the middle of the night.

 

She looked around her. The other members of Roselia had claimed their own chairs and were resting peacefully in them. Pastel＊Palettes had also come inside a few hours ago and had their own spot. Everyone except Hina had been sleeping.

 

The bassist got up from her chair and turned her head towards the voice.

 

Saitou gave her a friendly smile.

 

“Ah...!”

 

“Oh, don’t worry. I don’t have bad news. Rather, the opposite. Hikawa-San’s operation was successful and we were able to stop the internal bleeding, air leak and repair her shattered rib.”

 

It wasn’t much good news, but after spending hours upon hours drowning in the possibilities that Sayo might not even survive the operation, Lisa could feel the weight of that thought just fly away.

 

“We also did our best to operate on her knee to try which thankfully, wasn’t as bad as we had originally diagnosed. She won’t be able to move that leg for awhile as it needs to stay immobilized in order to heal properly. Doctor Tokura will explain more to you, but for now, I can show you and your friend’s to her room. She’s not awake, but it might help her younger sister to know that she’s at least alive.”

 

“R-Right! I’ll go w-wake them up now,” She stuttered in response, her brain still trying to process it all.

 

She stumbled out of her chair and woke up all of the girls, who, like her, could barely comprehend what was happening.

 

After organizing themselves, they followed Saitou into the depths of the ER sector, where Sayo awaited them somewhere.

 

—————

 

“Onee-Chan...”

 

Lisa glanced over at the younger Hikawa, her eyes still staring down at the ground.

 

“How are you feeling Hina?”

 

“What do you think Lisa-Chi...” She muttered.

 

“I don’t know what you’re feeling right now,” The brunette sighed. “No one else here has experienced something like this. We’ve never had our family in such a... life threatening situation before. And, considering you and Sayo’s recent attempts to reconnect as sisters, it’s even more of a mystery to me.”

 

The tealette brought her gaze upward at her friend. Her eyes were red and puffy, her skin pale and clammy. Bags hung under her eyes and face looked drained of energy.

 

It was like she aged by fifty years.

 

“I’m scared... and I’m worried about how she’ll react to all of this. Onee-Chan and I aren’t close like we were when we were younger. I don’t understand her like I used to, and I don’t know how she truly feels about me. But if there’s anything I know, I know how much guitar means to her. It’s everything to her. Roselia is the most important part of her life. Nothing and no one else. If she loses that, she’ll be crushed. And this time, I don’t think I’ll be able to get her smile back. I’m not the most important thing to her, Roselia is. My support won’t help her if she’s loses it, and that... is the last thing I want to happen.”

 

She paused, taking in a shaky breath of air. The coldness of it made her lungs tighten, but she continued, forcing the words out of herself.

 

“She can hate me... and I won’t mind... as long as she can smile and be happy... as long as she has her happiness, then I’ll be okay. But right now, I don’t know if she will have it anymore...”

 

“Hina...”

 

“She’s been my biggest role model... and yet, in reality, she was the one chasing me. I thought I could make her happy, but all I was doing was making her suffer. Even after all the promises we’ve made, all the progress we’ve made, I know she still resents me. She still hates me. As long as those feelings are there, I will never be able to truly help her.”

 

“You’re wrong Hina!”

 

Everyone stopped as Lisa yelled at the guitarist, her face red, and tears running down her face.

 

“You can help her, and you have helped her. Even if there have been bitter feelings still, you two have been slowly making them fade away. You can be there for Sayo.”

 

Hina shook her head. “You’re wrong. I-“

 

“LISTEN TO ME!”

 

She grabbed the girl by the arms and stared her in dead in the eyes. Hina didn’t know what to call the mass of emotions on her face. It was... strange to her. She didn’t understand how people could feel so much at a given time.

 

“What you’ve done for her is far more than what Roselia has managed to do. She’s changed because of the band, but the person to do the biggest impact is you Hina. Roselia isn’t the most important part of her life, it’s you. You are what fuels her spark. You are what keep her going, and what makes her smile. She’s happy to play guitar, not just because she loves Roselia, but because she’s able to do it for you. It’s given her something that she can grow closer to you again.“

 

Dark green eyes met light green, one full of shock, the other filled with determination.

 

“I talked with Sayo recently. I noticed her playing seemed to be more free and light. I asked her about it, but she said it was the same as always. And then, I asked her about what she was thinking about as she was playing, and she told me she was thinking about her promise with you.”

 

“Onee-Chan... said that...?”

 

Lisa nodded. “No one has made her smile like that except you Hina. As scared as you are, as long as she has you, she’ll continue to be happy. And all of Roselia and Pastel＊Palettes will help you two through this.”

 

“Lisa-Chi!”

 

And finally, Hina broke into a sob. She tackled the brunette to the floor and cried into her shirt. Her body trembled, but Lisa’s soft voice helped calm her.

 

Saitou stared at the two. He had seen over a million reactions to life threatening ER cases. He had seen rage, sorrow, depression and more. He remembered seeing a man throw a chair at a window because the team was unable to save his wife. He remembered seeing a woman sobbing nonstop out of grief for losing her husband. He remembered seeing teens scared out of their wits from their friend trying to kill themself.

 

Each case was the same, so full of negativity.

 

But with them, despite the pain, he could see their hope. He could see their light still shining.

 

“How strong...” Saitou murmured.

 

To have hope in such a hopeless situation was truly amazing.

 

—————

 

Hina POV

 

After I collected myself again, we continued to Onee-Chan’s room.

 

The halls were filled with rushing nurses, the sounds of beeping machines and carts rolling along the smooth floor. The voices of men and women echoed off the walls and into my ears, leaving me submerged in the gentle sounds.

 

“Room 34. I’ll be taking my leave now. A nurse is inside monitoring Hikawa-San as she has yet to wake up. Doctor Tokura should arrive soon so he’ll inform you of everything else.”

 

Saitou gave us all a small nod.

 

“U-Um!”

 

“Hmm?”

 

”Th-Thank you for helping my s-sister...” I stuttered, bowing my head.

 

“I’m glad I could be of assistance.”

 

He smiled and jogged off to his next assignment.

 

And then there was silence.

 

We all stared at the door. It was welcoming, yet intimidating. Behind this door was my sister, and we didn’t know what to expect to see.

 

Deep breaths Hina. You can do this.

 

Wait... am I giving myself a pep talk?

 

I’ve never done that before!

 

What the heck is happening to me...?

 

I reached a hand out, and grabbed the door knob, the cool metal sending a shiver down my spine.

 

I gulped, sweat forming on my palm.

 

I’m... I’m doing this...

 

No matter what happens from here... no matter what happens...

 

I will be there for her!

 

I twisted the knob, and gently opened the door.

 

—————

 

Third POV

 

The door creaked open and one by one the girls entered the spacious room.

 

It was larger than the rooms they had seen in the general sector, with plenty of room to fit all 9 of them inside. A large window in front of them allowed starlight to bathe the room in a gentle glow. One little lamp on the bedside table remained on, the lightbulb flickering ever so slightly.

 

“Oh, you must be Hikawa Sayo’s friends!”

 

They turned their heads to a black haired woman sitting in a chair.

 

“It’s nice to meet you. I’m Orihime, the nurse in charge of taking care of your friend.”

 

Lisa walked up to Orihime and shook her hand.

 

“Imai Lisa, Sayo’s bandmate, and the others are...”

 

The brunette introduced everyone in the room, starting with Roselia and then moving to Pastel＊Palettes.

 

“... and this is Hikawa Hina, Sayo’s younger twin sister.”

 

The younger Hikawa gave a small wave and smiled.

 

“Thank you for taking care of Onee-Chan.”

 

“It’s my pleasure,” The nurse replied with a grin. “She’s currently not awake but I know Nagi-Kun should be here soon with-OW!“

 

“It’s Doctor Tokura during work, Orihime.”

 

The brown haired man sighed, as she rubbed her head pitifully where he had smacked her with his clipboard.

 

“You’re... Doctor Tokura?” Hina inquired.

 

He nodded and turned their direction. “Yes. My name is Tokura Nagihiko, the one in charge of Hikawa Sayo’s operation and case. Forgive my colleague’s lack of professionalism,” He said, shooting the girl with a glare.

 

“Geez... lighten up Nagi-Kun...”

 

“We are in the middle of work Nurse Orihi-“

 

“It’s Kaguya to you mister~! I won’t respond to anything else~” She smirked.

 

The man growled and muttered something under his breath. “Anyways, my colleague Kaguya will be taking care of Hikawa Sayo as she recovers in the hospital until she can be released. She should wake up soon so until she does, I’ll give you the full diagnosis. Most all of this is confirmed, but some of it is still not fully predictable. We’ll continue to monitor her recovery to see if anything starts going array.”

 

He unclipped the papers on his board and shuffled through them, pulling a few out before putting the others back.

 

“Do any of you mind me being completely blunt and honest?”

 

Lisa shook her head, Roselia agreeing with her. The girls of Pastel＊Palettes has no issues either, although they seemed a bit more hesitant with their response.

 

However, only one person didn’t respond.

 

“Hina?” Lisa questioned, gently gripping her hand.

 

“A-Ah... sorry I just spaced out for a second...”

 

“If you’re scared, you can just say so...”

 

The guitarist fell silent, her gaze averted. She didn’t want to be scared. She didn’t even know if she was scared. The girl had never experienced feelings like this before, and usually, she would be all excited and boppin’ about it, but none of those normal reactions were there. Something had almost forced her to come to reality again, to come back to the ground.

 

It was weird, and overwhelming, and yet she still couldn’t get herself to admit it.

 

“If you would like Hikawa-San, I can give the diagnosis later when you’re-“

 

“N-No! No... I just... I... I think I’m scared... but... I want to know. It’d be better for me to hear this now than stall and possibly react worse.”

 

The doctor gave her one last look in the eyes and nodded.

 

“Okay then. Here’s the diagnosis...”

 

—————

 

Sayo POV

 

My eyes opened and I was surrounded by blue. It rippled and glowed, with light pouring down from above. It was almost like the bottom of the ocean.

 

A faint voice echoed in the distance. I didn’t know who it was, but I felt drawn to it.

 

I took a step forward, and another, and soon, I broke out into a run.

 

“Wait for me! Who are you? What do you want from me?”

 

The voice didn’t respond. Their words were fuzzy and unclear, but it was there.

 

The feeling of warmth it emanated... it was there.

 

I chased it, my legs growing weary, and my lungs struggling to take in air. Waves of pain forced me to a stop and I collapsed on the ground.

 

I gasped for breath, but there was no air to breathe in.

 

Ah... I’m drowning...

 

What... what is happening to me...

 

I...

 

Why did you call out to me...?

 

Who are you...?

 

“Tell me... do you know...”

 

But the words were left caught in my throat as I felt pain wrench me back into darkness.

 

—————

 

My eyes jolted open, and I let out a gasp.

 

What... was that...?

 

I tried to move, but something was keeping me still. I turned my body slightly, soon regretting that choice as a burning sensation filled my left side. I hissed and recoiled back, clenching my teeth together.

 

“Huh? Sayo?”

 

The voice echoed and fuzzed into static, my hearing disoriented and my eyes failing to see what was even in front of me.

 

A ceiling? Or is it a wall? What direction am I even facing?

 

“Ah, it seems she woke up. Let me adjust the bed and prop her up a bit.”

 

The person with the deeper voice, most likely a man, made footsteps toward my right side.

 

My eyes flicked towards the sound and I was met with emerald green eyes.

 

“It’s good to see you’re awake. You’re probably confused about what’s happening currently, but please remain calm. I’ll inform you of all of that soon.”

 

“Who... who are you...?” I rasped. My throat was completely dried out, with those few words burning the inside of it.

 

“My name is Tokura Nagihiko, your doctor.”

 

Doctor...?

 

He held a remote in his hand and with a press of a button, the bed I was in started to lean upward from my hip, elevating me so I could see the room.

 

Despite my still blurred vision, I could make out the shape of straps holding my body down and still. A bulky blur of black and white was on my right knee, and my left hand was covered in another mass of white.

 

My neck was being held still by something else but since I couldn’t look down, I was unable to identify what it was. I flicked my eyes to my side and saw 10 other blurry figures.

 

The doctor, Tokura, presses the button to stop the bed’s movement and walked over to where I could see him better.

 

“How do you feel currently?”

 

“Body hurts... throat is dry... can’t really see or hear properly...”

 

“Kaguya, can you go get some water for her?”

 

“On it!” A woman’s voice replied. A door creaked open and shut, the loud closing of it making my head hurt.

 

“Onee-Chan... ONEE-CHAAAAAN!”

 

“Hina-Chan, calm dow-AH!”

 

Rushing steps came towards me and a felt panic rise into my chest.

 

“Hikawa-San you have to be care-“

 

“ONEE-CHAAAAN! I WAS SO WORRIED!”

 

A hand gently held my right one, and I flicked my eyes to see a blur of teal hair and green eyes. Her loud voice caused another surge of pain in my head, only disorienting my hearing and sight more.

 

“I’m so glad... you’re okay...” She sniffled. Despite her now muffled voice, it still reached my ears loud and clear. Tear drops dripped onto my hand with little splatters.

 

They were cold and wet, and yet, there was something warm about them.

 

Her sincerity... I suppose...

 

But there was something about this that seemed wrong.

 

I recoiled my hand weakly, my eyes narrowing and my heart rate going up.

 

“O-Onee-Chan...?”

 

“I-I...”

 

“Is something wrong...? Did I did something...?”

 

My words were lost as I fumbled for something to say. I didn’t understand why it felt wrong. I didn’t understand what these feelings were. I didn’t understand this pain, these restraints.

 

I...

 

“Who...”

 

“Huh...?”

 

I looked at her, my vision adjusting and allowing me to see everything again.

 

All I felt was fear.

 

“Who are you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is the end of the first arc! Sorry if it’s a bit rushed. I was having a bit of trouble wording the ending.
> 
> I got tests coming up so I wanted to get this out as soon as I could so I wouldn’t have a delay or anything.
> 
> I might be able to get the beginning of the second arc started and posted if I have time but we’ll see.
> 
> Also, thank you to everyone reading. I haven’t really responded to many comments mainly because I just don’t know what to say other than thank you, and those words really don’t say how happy I am to receive all of your kind words! I’m so happy I can give you all something you enjoy reading as much as I enjoy writing it!
> 
> So anyways, I hope you look forward to the next arc: Black to Blank!


	6. Black to Blank 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The start of a new arc, and it’s time for the real story to begin.
> 
> A quick thing to add. As you can see, I’ve added three OCs. I haven’t done much description for them but they are crucial for this story, at least for the beginning parts of the entire plot.  
> So, to help, I’ll do some quick descriptions.
> 
> Tokura Nagihiko: The doctor in charge of Sayo’s care. He has emerald green eyes and messy brown hair, and always has some whiskers on his face. He’s very prudent and and stiff sometimes, always trying to conduct himself in a professional manner. He is childhood friends with Kaguya. Age: 45
> 
> Orihime Kaguya: A nurse and the childhood friend of Nagihiko. She is an energetic and childish woman with black hair and icy blue eyes. She has given Nagihiko the nickname Nagi-Kun and refuses to let him call her anything else but Kaguya, even at work. She is dating Saitou and hopes that he proposes to her. Age: 44
> 
> Saitou Yuki: A doctor and the assistant of Tokura. The two met in college and became great friends. He is currently dating Kaguya and has an engagement ring for her, but has been too scared to actually propose. He is a very calm individual, with a good layer of seriousness. He has salt and pepper hair, and brown eyes. Constantly looks tired, even when he’s not. Age: 45
> 
> Okay and finally, I know I know, I used the cliché “oh no she has amnesia” thing. It’s not exactly my proudness moment in writing. I wasn’t even going to do it, until I got this idea I really liked. Characters with memory loss give you basically the foundation of an OC because they have no background at that point. Without memories, they become a different person, and through this, I realized I could mold Sayo into something new and interesting that would be really good for this plot. Along with that, I decided to give her some ah... more mental problems which sounds extraordinarily cruel considering I’ve already given this girl depression, but as you can see from the tags, I’m giving her schizophrenia. I’m not going into depth with what this will do to her as a character, that’s for you to read.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy the start of the new arc “Black to Blank”! This is where everything truly begins for the Hikawa twins.
> 
> (And yay I managed to survive my tests! Thank you TheLeonHartsRage for your wonderful prayers ♪(๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)♪)

Third POV

 

A paper was attached to a clipboard reading:

 

Room #34

 

Patient’s Name: Hikawa Sayo

 

Age: 17

 

Doctor(s): Tokura Nagihiko, Saitou Yuki

 

Nurse(s): Orihime Kaguya

 

Diagnosis:

 

From my examination, the patient has suffered from several different types of injuries ranging and effecting multiple parts of her body and mind.

 

Physical injuries include: severe concussion (TBI), nerve damage in the lower spine, left lung puncture, two broken ribs on the left side of the chest (one of which was shattered), shattered hand (left), shattered knee cap (right), broken ankle (right), broken arm (right), cuts and lacerations (varying degrees of severity)

 

Many of these injuries should heal properly, however they will leave permanent damage. The nerve damage will decrease her sensory feeling in her legs, and along with that will impair her ability to use her legs. The accident has also left her with muscle weakness, which will again impair walking and leg movement. The shattered kneecap will do the same. Due to this, she may be rendered unable to walk permanently. The best outcome of this would be impaired use of legs. She would be unable to exert them for long and hard durations of time but they would still be functional for basic movement.

 

The punctured lung may cause some problems with breathing if hyperventilating or tired from exertion.

 

TBI injury may cause permanent memory loss, however, it is a very low chance. The injury will most likely cause temporary memory loss for a duration of time. As for permanent damage, the patient will suffer from migraines and decreased ability to concentrate and/or thinking for long durations of time.

 

Her risk for Schizophrenia has also increased by 60%. I will diagnose it if I see symptoms at her stay in the hospital. Her family has no history of it occurring, but it has possibly been passed down.

 

Before the accident, there are signs of possible depression and anxiety/panic attack disorders. Signs of self harm and possible suicide attempts are visible.

 

Treatment: Current treatment is to rest and heal. She will begin rehab after healing enough from chest and leg injuries. More detail to be added later.

 

—————

 

Sayo POV

 

A week had passed since I woke up in this strange new world and the events seemed like a blur.

 

Doctor Tokura has explained my situation. The car accident I had been in was temporarily causing me amnesia. He wasn’t sure if it was the trauma or something combined with it, but eventually it would go away. Along with my lost memories, I had more physical injuries than I could count and they were currently rendering me paralyzed to a bed.

 

I wasn’t allowed to move my body until my ribs had healed more. Apparently one of them was broken enough that if I moved too much, the surgery they did to restore it would break and I’d have broken bone puncturing my also operated on lung.

 

However, laying in a bed completely frozen for days doing absolutely nothing was utter hell. I didn’t understand how they expected me to be sane after an experience like this.

 

Every part of me wanted to rip the straps into a million pieces and go on a screaming rampage at the doctor and tell them that tying a person to bed for over 24 hours was a method torture but knowing that I could possibly kill myself in the process wasn’t exactly... a pleasant idea.

 

I ended up passing time by looking out the window with the limited movement I could do (they finally let me move my neck after the 5th day, although it felt extremely sore when I finally used it) and counting the people or cars that passed by. It was boring, but it kept me busy.

 

Those people also stopped by and visited everyday near the evening. They apparently knew me before I lost my memories, but they were a bit... much to take in sometimes.

 

In particular, Lisa, Ako and pretty much all the members of Pastel＊Palettes except Chisato were a big headache. They were kind, but their voices were so loud. Every time they spoke, my head began to pound and ache, but I would just grit my teeth and smile.

 

They told me about my life. I was the guitarist for the band Lisa and Ako were in called Roselia. My playing was precise and refined, accurate to a T, and I worked hard every day practicing it. At school, I was a second year at Hanasakigawa Girls’ Academy, where I was a member of the Disciplinary Committee and was also in the Kyudo club. I had an identical twin sister, the guitarist of Pastel＊Palettes, Hina.

 

Along with that, I apparently didn’t smile much before the accident. On the rare occasion I did, but besides that, my face was “ice cold” and “stoic” as described by Ako (excluding the 20 other names she called me which sounded like some foreign language).

 

I had frowned at that description. I didn’t sound like a very nice person, which was a bit upsetting. I mean, who would want to be a cold hearted, emotionless human being without a trace of any kind of kindness?

 

Even that girl Yukina, despite her cool demeanor, showed signs of care and kindness, even if her face never showed it. Meanwhile I sounded like I was dead inside and pissed off at everything and everyone.

 

That was an exaggeration, but in a way, that’s what it felt like to me.

 

“I don’t know if I want my memories back...” I mumbled.

 

I didn’t sound okay mentally or emotionally before all of this. And if wiping my memories got rid of that, why not keep it that way? I didn’t want to be that version of myself, I wanted to be the me I was now.

 

But... at the same time, it’s scary without memories.

 

Without memories, I don’t have a past or a background. I don’t have an identity. I don’t have a personality (I think?) and I’ve also lost every single bond I had developed from before the accident.

 

I was alone, and I didn’t want to be.

 

Those people who were my friends knew me, and yet, I don’t know them. I don’t know them as who I am now. They aren’t my friends now, they’re strangers I met a few days ago.

 

And my sister...? She’s a stranger as well. It’s like we’re twins that were separated at birth, except she has memories of spending time with me that I don’t.

 

I took in a shaky breath, my thoughts running wild.

 

I was stuck in a hospital, with injuries that would cripple me for life, and knowledge that I was a person who was cold hearted and barely saw joy in life, and with my memories gone, I wasn’t that way anymore. However, my memories would come back and I would become that person again after regaining them.

 

It sounded like some sick joke by the gods but it wasn’t.

 

This was reality. It was my reality. My dark, twisted reality.

 

My black canvas was made blank, only to then again be painted in black and consumed again by its dark color.

 

“How unfair...”

 

—————

 

Lisa POV

 

“Why don’t we take a quick break guys~? We’ve been working at this for awhile now.”

 

“Ah, you’re right. We can take a 30 minute break.”

 

I grinned at Yukina and set my bass down in its stand.

 

Roselia was continuing activities until further update was made about Sayo’s hand. None of us wanted the band to end, but we all agreed that if we didn’t have Sayo playing guitar for us, then we wouldn’t be Roselia anymore.

 

However, until it was made clear she wouldn’t be able to play, Roselia would keep believing and continue on with practice.

 

“Hey hey Rin-rin~! Don’t you think the way I played was extra extra cool~?”

 

“Mhmm... it was...”

 

“Yaaaaay!”

 

Our keyboardist and drummer had managed to set aside their fear and pain, and were once again cheerful. Their smiles were free of doubt, and filled with hope.

 

I still showed some traces of doubt, but Ako would always come and chase away the little grey clouds. She’d give me such a sweet smile that I couldn’t stay gloomy for more than 5 seconds.

 

The only person who was having a hardest time was of course...

 

“Haaa...”

 

Yukina sighed, sitting down in one of the chairs set up, staring at the scores she wrote.

 

She hadn’t been taking any of this well, but no one could blame her. Roselia was her band, the band she formed to try to get to Future World Fes, to finally make her father change, and in the process she changed and found a family in this band. And now... all of that was falling apart right before her eyes and there was nothing she could do about it.

 

I let out a deep breath and walked over, sitting next to her.

 

“Still worried?”

 

“Of course I am... Roselia’s future is on the line right now. All of our work, everything we did, could all be lost before I can even blink.” She groaned, which was unusual of her. She’d normally remain level headed and cool.

 

I patted her on the back. “I know, we all are worried, even if we’re not showing it as much. But we have to keep believing Sayo will recover. She’ll regain her memories and her hand will heal properly and she’ll be able to play again. That’s what we have to put our faith in.”

 

Yukina looked at me, her face full of expression. Her eyebrows were slightly upturned, a frown on her face and eyes full of doubt and fear.

 

“I don’t know if I can gamble on that...”

 

“If you can’t, I’ll do it for you. I’ll be here to help you through it all Yukina. What are friends for after all~?” I grinned.

 

Right now, Yukina needs support. As much doubt as I have right now, I need to be strong for her. She’s under the most stress from this all in Roselia.

 

So for now, I’ll just swallow my doubts and be brave!

 

“Lisa...”

 

The silver haired girl gave me a small smile.

 

“Thank you Lisa.”

 

“Anything for my best friend~”

 

—————

 

Hina POV

 

As soon as practice ended, I packed my guitar and headed out to the hospital.

 

Our parents, busy with work, had only gotten to visit my sister once in the week that she had woken up. Of course, with her temporary amnesia, Sayo had no clue who they were, so she wasn’t upset at them not visiting.

 

I had been visiting her everyday in the evening, talking to her about Pastel＊Palettes and answer anything she ever asked, which was very rare. While she was as reserved as usual, she was more expressive and timid. It made sense though. In a way, she was a completely new person.

 

Doctor Tokura had instructed me that when she started getting her memories back, I had to be there for her 24/7 no matter what. In that phase of time, she would be undergoing major mental and emotional stress, especially considering what she was like before all of this.

 

I remembered him telling me all the mental problems she had prior to the accident. She had been suffering all alone, with no one helping her, hating herself, and hurting herself. There were scars on her body that no one had ever seen.

 

When he had said that, I had felt my heart break.

 

Sayo was the closest person to me, my other half, my dearest sister, and the person I loved the most in the world. To know that she had been in that much pain, and I didn’t even notice, was like someone stabbing me in the chest.

 

I was ashamed of myself.

 

My carefree attitude and lack of understanding towards people was what blocked my view of what was happening to her. I didn’t notice she was hurting, and I continued to act so happy around her when she couldn’t even find happiness in the world she saw.

 

I should’ve been helping her, but I didn’t even see it! Stupid Hina! Stupid!

 

That was the thought that had riddled my mind for the past 5 days.

 

“Do I even deserve to see her?”

 

I froze, my hand extended to the doorknob, trembling.

 

I had left her alone for so long. I hadn’t helped her in any way. I always made her hurt in some way or another.

 

I don’t deserve her.

 

I don’t deserve her smile.

 

I don’t deserve her happiness.

 

I don’t deserve her presence.

 

All I deserve is her hate...

 

“I shouldn’t have come...” I muttered.

 

I lowered my hand, turning to leave.

 

“Hina-San?”

 

A voice made my head jolt up. My eyes met ice blue.

 

“Nurse O-Orihime?”

 

“Oh silly, just call me Kaguya~! Nagi-Kun will get mad, but don’t worry about it!”

 

I didn’t know what to say, so I simply nodded, still in shock from the sudden encounter.

 

“Are you here to see Sayo-San? She’s still awake.”

 

“I was... just...”

 

Damnit, use your words Hina! This shouldn’t be hard for you!

 

The black haired woman smiled softly, gently grabbing hold of my hand. “Are you scared to see her?”

 

I didn’t respond, but that didn’t seem to phase her in the slightest.

 

“I get it. There’s a lot to process with all of the information you’ve been given. It’s never easy to learn about someone you love having a mental problem after all. You always feel a bit useless in a way. You think you know everything about them, and then you’re suddenly thrown a curve ball and you realize all those small moments where it was plain obvious that something was wrong and you never helped them or noticed. It’s frustrating.”

 

Her hand squeezed mine reassuringly, the warm smile on her face making me feel safe.

 

“But it’s nothing to be ashamed or upset about. Emotions are an interesting thing, some people let their emotions flow out of them with ease, others can’t. But, when it comes to emotions we don’t want others to see, no matter what type of person you are, most of the time you can hide it well. Sayo-San wanted to hide those feelings. You’re not at fault for not noticing or not helping her. You were never supposed to see it until she either felt like telling you or she had decided she needed the help. Right now, you know this, and from here and into the future is what matters now. You were unable to help her back then, but now you can. Be by her side now, because she does need your support Hina-San.”

 

Her words... they’re so kind... and genuine...

 

Maybe... maybe she’s right...

 

I looked up at her and she gave me that bright white smile she always had on her face.

 

“K-Kaguya-San...” I sniffled. “Thank you... thank you...!”

 

I tackled the nurse in a hug, wrapping my arms tightly around her. Fat tears rolled down my cheeks, but this time, it was out of relief, not sadness, and it felt good.

 

“You have no need to thank me Hina-San...” She replied softly, gently petting my head. “Now go in there and spend some time with your sister.”

 

“Mhmm!”

 

I released the woman and waved her goodbye as she walked off to check up on another patient. The staff at the hospital were nice, but Kaguya was on a whole different level. She was motherly, with love and warmth no one else could provide there.

 

“She certainly fits her job,” I laughed, wiping my tears away.

 

I turned back to the door and grabbed the knob, this time, my hand was still. The fear had subsided, and confidence took its place.

 

“Onee-Chan! It’s me, Hina! I’m coming in!”

 

A faint “Okay” echoed back at me.

 

“Alright... no need to be afraid Hina... it’s okay... it’s okay...”

 

I rotated the doorknob, and walked in as the door creaked open.

 

—————

 

Sayo POV

 

“Hey Onee-Chan,” Hina greeted, walking into the room.

 

“Hi...” I answered back, my voice quiet and timid.

 

My sister grabbed one of the chairs and pulled it close to the bed. Once seated, she took the remote for the bed an elevated it a bit, so I could look at her easier.

 

“So, how are you feeling?”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Onee-Chan, that’s not enough. I need more detail.”

 

“I’m fine. I really don’t know what else to say. I’m as fine as I can be considering my situation,” I said flatly.

 

“Geez...” Hina sighed. “Okay, how about this: Do you feel any discomfort anywhere? Does anything hurt?”

 

I paused a second to think, letting myself remember the sensations in my body.

 

Wait... had I actually felt anything since I woke up?

 

I tried to think back. My body had been completely still besides my head, and more recently my neck. But, in my frozen state, I didn’t feel any type of sensation in the slightest.

 

Well... the doctor had mentioned that I have nerve damage... maybe it’s just a bit worse now...

 

“No, I don’t really feel anything of that sort.”

 

The girl sighed with relief, smiling at me.

 

“Good to hear! So, wanna hear more about Pastel＊Palettes?”

 

“Sure.”

 

Despite Hina’s loud voice, her stories of the day were the only other thing that kept me from going insane in the hospital. She always looked so happy and cheerful talking about her band, and it made me feel a bit better just by seeing her like that.

 

It made my heart feel warm.

 

According to Roselia, and even Hina herself, our relationship was rather rocky. My former self had many complexes and insecurities due to Hina’s natural talent, which caused feelings of jealousy and spite. Those negative emotions drove us apart, but finally, we had made a promise. We’d motivate each other to play, and we wouldn’t let each other quit. I had vowed to be able to stand by her side one day, and feel pride in my guitar.

 

We had finally become close, and then, that life was now foreign to me.

 

I wonder... if she’s hurt by the fact that I don’t remember our promises. All the time we had finally spent trying to rekindle our bond as sisters... all of that effort, only for me to go and lose those memories.

 

Even if it’s temporary, I wonder if it hurts her?

 

“-and then Maya started laughing so hard that she-“

 

“Hey, Hina...”

 

“Huh? What is it Onee-Chan?”

 

Hina stopped her story, her eyes on me, staring in anticipation.

 

”Do you feel... upset that I don’t remember?”

 

My voice trembled slightly, sweat forming on my palms. I averted my gaze slightly, finding more interest in the bed.

 

My sister didn’t need and explanation to what I was implying. She stopped to think, bringing the room to complete silence.

 

I could hear my own heart beat, the steady pound in my chest, faster and faster, it began to go, like a beating drum.

 

“It... would be a lie to say it doesn’t hurt.”

 

Her eyes gently fell on me, and she gave me a small sympathetic smile. She brought a hand to my cheek, wiping away the tears that silently ran down.

 

“You’ll regain your memories in the end though, which is why I won’t let it get to me. I know you feel confused and lost without your memory but-“

 

“What if I don’t want my memories back...?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Y-You heard what the doctor said... I’m messed up. I have so many problems and issues, but right now, without my memories, I don’t have them. I’m perfectly okay. I’m scared... to go back to being in pain like that...”

 

I choked up another sob, letting myself freely cry without restraint. Hina wanted my memories back, and I did too. I wanted to remember our lives as sisters, and all the time I spent with Roselia, but I didn’t want to go back to being a mental train wreck who wanted to kill herself.

 

The cost of happiness, was at a price I wasn’t sure I could pay.

 

Hina had removed her hand, her eyes dilated, and a look of shock spread across her face. Her mouth opened and closed as if she wanted to say something, but the words were caught in her throat.

 

“Just... leave me alone... please...” I pleaded, not wanting to look her in the eyes any longer.

 

Her head nodded robotically and she stumbled out the door, nearly running into Doctor Tokura as he walked in.

 

“S-Sorry...” She mumbled under her breath.

 

His emerald eyes glanced at the girl, and then at me. They widened for a second, and then softened upon seeing my face.

 

“What happened Sayo-San?”

 

“I... I don’t want to talk about it... just please... leave me alone...” I cried, my voice trembling and weak.

 

The man hesitated, almost as if he wanted to protest, but he nodded his head, and left me in my room alone.

 

I was left alone, in silence, with the only being my own muffled crying.

 

No matter what options I saw, all of them ended with some sort of pain, for me and for others.

 

I stared weakly at the ceiling, filling my vision with nothing but white.

 

A blank canvas... simply awaiting to be dyed in black again...

 

Blank... to black...

 

My vision began to blur, the burning in my retinas becoming dulled.

 

Every time I close my eyes, I never know who I’ll be when I open them...

 

I could be me... or I could be her...

 

I wonder... how much longer I have...

 

My eye lids shut, as I drifted asleep to the sound of my own sorrowful melody.

 

—————

 

Third POV

 

A girl with white hair stood next to a bed, her purple eyes glued onto the one resting on it.

 

No one had seen her come into the hospital.

 

And yet, there she stood, the glow of moonlight behind her back.

 

“Sayo-Chan... just leave everything to me...”

 

Her hand caressed the sleeping girl’s face, a devilish smile forming on her own.

 

“We’ll take care of everything~ Just leave it to me hehe~!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m already enjoying the new Sayo I’m writing and I can’t wait to see how I decided to develop her. Yes, even I don’t know how I’ll choose to develop her. The plot will continue and change depending on how I think, so every time I write, I’m being surprised myself haha
> 
> Anyways, as you can tell, the chapters in this arc are gonna be very very long. Because of that, this arc should be about 3 chapters long meaning it’s already a third of the way done!
> 
> Also, since I did expect this to come sooner or later, I’ll state this.  
> First with the clichés: I am well aware I am using them, however, note that I have never used them before in my life so this is almost an experiment for myself in seeing if I can do a small amount of them and write them well.  
> And second, about the incest: Yes, this is a controversial topic and I am well aware I will get shit for this along with the writing clichés. But for the incest in particular, please keep your personal opinions out of the comments. I know some people do feel strongly about it being a disgusting thing, but do not put that negativity into the comments. I like feedback on my writing, but I do not want to spur any sort of conflict due to opinions on the subject I decided to write about.  
> I know I will still get some hate about all of those things in the comments still most likely, however, that will not stop me from writing. This is my writing and no one else’s and I will not let someone else decide for me what I can and cannot do. What I write about does not decided my opinion on the subject either. I may be writing an incest fic, but that does not decide my opinion on it. I have never written an incestuous relationship before and I thought it would be a nice challenge to try and write one. I could’ve used OCs but that would take the challenge away of taking preexisting personalities and seeing if I could accurately write their reactions (or at least my interpretation of their reactions) to a stimulus of any kind I choose. I know people will still be silently shitting on saying that it’s still bad and gross and can influence people in the real world. However, know that I do realize a real life incestuous relationship would come and would most likely develop unhealthily, but this is a work of fiction, not real life. There’s a difference between the two and I’m not responsible if there are people who can’t tell the two apart. Interpretation is something I do not control.  
> I wanted to write this now so I don’t have to write it again a million times. If there is hate in the comments I’m not going to delete or report it, but I no longer will try to respond to it because I understand some people just don’t give a fuck about what I say or explain.  
> Wow.... I really went on a tangent there.
> 
> Okay, real last note, since these chapters are going to be longer, I’ll probably update lateish. I also want to take a quick break from working on this so I don’t burn myself out writing it. I got a one shot idea I want to write so that’s gonna be my focus. I hope you look forward to it!


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